Woke up today with a bit of a headache, courtesy of too much wine last night. Should not drink now that my body hasn’t had much decent food. On that note, I did have my first hot meal yesterday. And it actually tasted good. Nothing fancy, some fish, baked potatoes and a salad, but it felt good to eat something healthy. I mean, you can’t live on supplements alone can you?
So I sit here asking myself why it is that when in bad times, I don’t treat myself good, but instead seem to fall back on neglecting my body even more. No food, just cigarettes and alcohol. Oh and tons of coffee. Haven’t rolled my mat out since Friday, let alone my zafu.
I did my share of damaging myself in the past, but I turned around quite a bit. Stopped smoking, and with that the wine didn’t taste as good anymore either so quit that too. Been going to the gym 5 times a week, and I like to lift heavy, no girly weights for me. Last year I got turned on to yoga, and been practicing daily ever since. But now it seems that with this hurt, I just want to hurt my body even more. Not on purpose, but as if there’s some inner wish to just fade away, dissolve into thin air. To not feel anything.
And ofcourse, that has GOT to stop. So my resolutions for today are:
- get out my zafu and sit for 10 minutes
- a light yoga practice, maybe some Yin, will take up the Ashtanga again in a few days
- no wine, well maybe one glass
- get gear on and touch some iron again
Starting now with first one. Oh and I swear, the cigs will go out again after this weekend.