Is a bitch! I mean really, I don’t start the day with my usual yoghurt and frozen fruit shake anymore. Nowadays I prefer Xanax after I wake up. It’s driving me crazy, the constant hyperventilating and panic attacks. I seem to be completely preoccupied with the thought of dying, alone. Being eaten by my cat. It just flashes up in my thoughts, and wham, panic attack again. And instead of doing breathing exercises I prefer some pills. Works faster. Well at least that is what I tell myself.

It’s weird I always get attacks as soon as my life is in the shits. When all is good, no panic attacks at all. But then I lose my job, my man and my cat, and there I go again.  I desperately need to relax, and I prefer a sauna and a good hard massage. Good for my sore muscles too; bootcamp the day after kickboxing is too much, I found out, the painful way.


2 thoughts on “Anxiety

  1. The pain, drugs, lonely and fear will do that every time. You have always been stronger then me and I am asking you to see the love of your freinds and even myself for you and move farward with the strong women that draws me to you so much and pull it together againt(not to mention how much a hotty you are and made an ungle guy like me feel so good to hear and feel your love, hint!) . If not for you, your cats, family, and other friends, then at least for me. But I rather it be for you more then my own weaken state atm with my own hell I am in. Wish we didn’t have such a distants between us, or I would go right to you anmd show you the love that surounds you with everyone that loves you so much. Jerky wasn’t love, and you know it. WE LOVE YOU Jos!!!!! Hell, listen to a truth – I Love you very much jos, please come back to that women that I was playing that boring game as long as I did just to draw strenth from you to keep myself together. I am sure there is more then just me that needs you. Come back jos, if no one is willing to put it out there like this – I need you! ❤

  2. I dont even know what to say Casey.. Hope you are feeling better soon, will try to keep my head up myself! Love you too.. if I ever win the bloody lottery I will buy a ticket and come and visit! xx

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