Killing time

So what does one do when there’s way too much time to kill? This must sound really stupid, but I started to read the spam messages in my mailbox. Mornings are especially hard, waking up and trying to think of things to do for the day. Opening my mailbox and seeing just spam messages have arrived overnight. It’s silly what depression does to a person. It’s making me into a total bitch, alienating people from me. While I need them the most, I turn people against me and I don’t know why. There’s this rage and envy inside of me, which I can’t seem to hide. I feel like shooting down the Christmas lights outside, and don’t even get me started on those cheesy Christmas songs. I just hope this will pass, I’m meditating my ass off, saying prayers for all the things I should be grateful for, but it’s not helping much. I mean, if I don’t even like myself, why would other people?

On a brighter note, got a second interview next Wednesday. I don’t wanna get my hopes up too high, but what I would do to get that job.. Most of my problems would be resolved; at least the financial mess I made for myself. And the joy of waking up and making myself useful again. I can’t even explain how much that would mean to me right now. Oh and Casey, I’m so very sorry I can’t seem to get a grip. My warrior strength is gone, and I need it back. Fast. Maybe my kickboxing class will help me get in control again.


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