I’m so very sorry for not writing, but in my own way I’ve been a bit busy. Busy finding a job of course, without any luck I might add. And busy with volunteering, which I really enjoy. Working at the homeless shelter is altering the way I look at life, and people in general. I don’t do much actually, I mean it’s not really work. We drink coffee (preferably with speed lol, well not for me), read the papers, play games and chat a bit. And we laugh a lot, even though most of the people there come from a shitty background, lost everything precious in their lives, and struggle with drug and alcohol addiction. But yes we have fun. And there is sadness, cause we lost three people already this year.
What else, I quit smoking for a week, then started again when the ex-bastard decided to call me out of the blue, for a shitty reason. That is a bullshit excuse but hey, I am not pretending to be perfect. I also quit eating meat and started to eat vegan, which I enjoyed at first, but after a few weeks I noticed I was starting to lack energy, so now I eat fish or meat once a week. I stuff myself with all kinds of beans, quinoa and vegetables, and I like that it makes me feel lighter somehow.
Practice is going great. For the last week I did full Primary every day, and I am thrilled to see so much improvement. My binds are getting deeper, and I can feel the backbends having its effect on me. Meditation practice also going well; I can sit longer, keep my eyes shut and not repeat shopping lists in my head to pass the time. Gym is a whole different story, don’t know why, but the thought of lifting is not appealing to me anymore.. Whenever I do get to the gym, I just go through my usual routine, but I don’t enjoy it anymore, like I used to. I mean the gym was my bloody life! Not sure why I suddenly don’t feel like it anymore. Must give that some more thought. Friday night kickboxing is still great though, wish I could go more often. Oh if only I had the money 🙂
Well, time for bed, leaving you with some food for thought.
Death. “Encouraging Words” by Zen Master Guishan
Some day you will die.
Lying on your sick bed about to breathe your last, you will be assailed by every kind of pain,
Your mind will be filled with fears and anxieties and you will not know where to go or what to do. Only then you will realize you have not practiced well.
The skandhas/aggregates (matter, sensations, conceptions, impulses and consciousness) and the four elements in you will quickly disintegrate, and your consciousness will be pulled wherever your ancient, twisted karma leads it.
Impermanence does not hesitate.
Death will not wait.
You will not be able to extend you life by even a second.
How many thousands times more will you have to pass through the gates of birth and death.
If these words are challenging, even insulting, let them be an encouragement for you to change.
Do not accumulate unnecessary possessions.
Don’t give up.
Still your mind, end wrong perceptions, concentrate and do not run after the objects of your senses.
Be determined not to let your days and months pass by wastefully.